Its Better than OK to Change Your Mind

Yes, it is better than ok to change your mind!  This is a vital life lesson that we all need to learn and one that I am continually learning.  Perhaps you've agreed to do something and you've begun whatever it is and find that it is not something you can do.  It is imperative at this point to speak up and say "ouch, this is too hard", "this isn't right for me", "I thought I could do this, but I can't."  I always used to be the person that would "grin and bear it" but I have found that does not serve me or others because you are suffering under false pretenses. You allow yourself to suffer and perhaps feel anger and resentment because of it, and the other person doesn't even know that something is wrong.

Situations like this remind me of a SARK story.  I am referring to Susan Arielle Rainbow Kennedy, who wrote all those wonderful SARK books (recommended).  She tells the story of going to Parrot Jungle in Miami and how one of the photo opportunities is when a staff person puts a very large parrot on your head so that whomever you are with can take a picture (I have also been to Parrot Jungle and can really relate to this story).  Anyway, she says that when the parrot was placed on her head, its claws were digging into her scalp and hurting her.  I can't remember if she spoke up or not but the idea is that it is so important to learn to say "ouch, I don't want to do this!", even after you have agreed to the thing.  It is VITAL to speak your truth and advocate for yourself. 

Others may disagree with you and think you are overreacting and say things like "what's the big deal?", "that never bothered me", etc. They may try to downplay what you are experiencing.  Don't let that stop you.  We all have different tolerances for discomfort, pain, stress, hunger, etc.  You have to honor your own boundaries and limits.  You are the one that gets to define them and stick to them.

You may have feelings of disappointment and anger at the lack of empathy or concern from those around you.  Its ok to feel those things but don't dwell on those feelings and let them pass (meditation helps with this).  Have you read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz? The first agreement is to not take anything personally.   Everyone is living in their own world with their own experiences and motivations.  Ultimately, the things that people do have nothing to do with other people but with themselves.  Ruiz explains this much better and in greater detail.   I highly recommend the book.  As many people as there are in the world, that's how many "worlds" there are.  None of us thinks like the other.  So the bottom line is, don't take the other person's lack of concern or empathy personally.  Work at this and you will find that it is very freeing.  You are freed from anger, disappointment, and resentment.  Note that it doesn't mean that your relationship with the person won't change but you will be freeing yourself of the negative emotions of the situation.   If someone in your life does not respect your boundaries or truths, you have to re-examine what their role should be in your life.  The people that genuinely care about you will at least respect your position and honor it,  even if they don't understand it.

Ultimately what I want you to know is that you are responsible for taking care of yourself....for learning, understanding, maintaining and sometimes stretching your boundaries.  We are human, we will make mistakes.  If we agree to do something in good faith and then it turns out to not be manageable, the best thing to do for all involved is to say "I'm sorry, I've changed my mind."  The more you practice this skill of speaking your truth, the more it will grow, and the more peace you will have in your life.