I went to see one of my favorite movies, Groundhog Day, on groundhog day this year. It was made extra special by the fact that it was playing at a local art deco theater that is PINK, is the oldest theater in town, and is now owned by vegans!
I love this movie because within it is the secret to a successful and contented life, if one only pays attention. The main character, Phil, starts out as an egocentric, jaded person, that sees others only in terms of what they can do for him. He insults the cameraman, the town and sees his producer as his next conquest. Only when he gets stuck reliving the same day, is he shaken from his know it all attitude. He starts with denial, then tries to cheat to get what he wants from others by memorizing people's information and using it against them. When that doesn't work, he gets depressed and tries to commit suicide over and over. When none of it works, he inches slowly and reluctantly towards acceptance. When he starts to accept that this is where he is and there is nothing he can do about it, he starts to relax into the situation. He starts to get to know the town and most importantly, himself. The old Phil didn't like himself and used people and things to escape. The accepting Phil now realizes that there is no where you can go where you can escape yourself. He starts reading books, gets to know people without an agenda, tries new hobbies and learns to use his energy to help people in need. He learns to be kind to himself and others. He learns how to be happy by himself.
THE best superpower that you can cultivate is being happy alone. When you are happy alone, you will make decisions that are healthier and based on want rather than desperation or neediness. Another person cannot make you happy. I know that sounds obvious but a lot of people are pursuing relationships BEFORE they are happy by themselves. You bring your happiness with you into every relationship. Friends will come and go from your life. You will make better decisions about who to let in to your life, when you are happy alone. You will be able to recognize when someone is trying to use you to make themselves happy, which is an impossible task, and sets the relationship up for failure. When friends leave from your life, it may be temporarily sad but it will not be devastating because your happiness does not rely on them, it comes from within. All of us have the the task of learning to be happy alone. It is a happiness that no one can take from you.
In this vein, I love this poem by Helen Dunmore, who died last June after a long illness:
My life’s stem was cut
My life’s stem was cut,
But quickly, lovingly
I was lifted up,
I heard the rush of the tap
And I was set in water
In the blue vase, beautiful
In lip and curve,
And here I am
Opening one petal
As the tea cools.
I wait while the sun moves
And the bees finish their dancing,
I know I am dying
But why not keep flowering
As long as I can
From my cut stem?
Taken from Inside the Wave by Helen Dunmore, published by Bloodaxe Books.